I, like everyone else, applaud Republican Presidential Nominee John McCain's service to the United States of America.
However, after listening to Senator McCain speak; I can't help but feel guilty I have never been imprisoned in a POW camp.
I mean, I'm very sorry I didn't join a branch of the United States Military, go off to war, get shot down and suffer as a prisoner of war for many years, but I don't think it makes me a bad person or disqualifies me from being President of the United States.
Maybe from the ages of 31-37 I wasn't held against my will at the Hanoi Hilton, but that doesn't mean I wasn't being productive in a way that assisted my country.
In fact, I was busy having babies and taking care of the children I'd already had before turning 31. I have no doubt my kids will grow up to benefit America because I taught them not to judge others by the color of their skin.
Maybe some of you weren't POW's during your young adult years, either. Why not, the Republicans might wonder. You should have gone out there and got yourself captured.
And this is in no way meant to demean Senator McCain's bravery, but it's not like he had a choice in the matter. I know he could have gone home early but chose to stay so others, who had been there longer, could leave; but getting captured wasn't something for which he volunteered.
"Who wants to be taken prisoner out there today?" the General didn't ask.
(After McCain, Williams and Lawrence raise their hand)
"McCain we'll go with you. Williams and Lawrence, we can't afford to lose your expert marksmanship."
I don't mind the Republicans bringing up Senator McCain's service to our country, but would his sacrifice have been any less significant if he hadn't gotten captured?
How do you think regular soldiers will feel after coming home from war and being asked, "Did you spend time in a POW camp!?" After answering, "No," the question asker will probably assume they aren't too crazy about our country. "Oh," they will dejectedly respond. "Because John McCain was a prisoner of war and that's when he says he fell in love with America. Guess you're not quite there yet."
And since it took being a prisoner of war to discover he loved America, if John McCain wouldn't have had an extended stay at the Hanoi Hilton, does that mean he'd currently be only rather fond of his country?
Hey, the GOP is always accusing us Democrats of being anti-American – maybe it's because we've never spent any time in a POW camp!
Thank you, Senator McCain for your service to our great country – but in between stories recalling your heroism, do you mind telling us how you're going to lower gas prices? Then you can go right back to talking about what those evil Viet Cong did to you, I promise.
I Was a Prisoner of War, You're Not Okay
Support Illegal Immigration; Hire a Day Laborer
"Illegals" as the GOP call them, show up for work on time and do an exceptional job; things Republicans supposedly stand for.
It's undeniable that the GOP simply hates illegal immigrants. "But why," you good people of the world ask, incapable of comprehending how anyone could despise another person before getting to know them. It's probably because illegals are not white males, though Republicans are too scared to admit it.
To show support for those who are trying to make enough money to purchase the basic necessities, we should all go out and hire a day laborer - whether we need one or not.
If you don't know where to find a day laborer, try your local Home Depot, or ask the men who mow your lawn, provided one of them "habla Engles."
You'd be surprised how many things you can find for a day laborer to do around the house. Spackle the wall, get stains out of the carpet, defrost the freezer, play catch with your kids… Yes, it's safe to say that illegal aliens are more than happy to accomplish any task to which they're assigned.
Now, some on the far right will say there are a lot of robbers, rapists and murderers residing in the day labor community. I understand these are just Republican talking points, but to be on the safe side you might want to make sure your husband stays home from work to protect your family.
It will be spiritually worthwhile, even if your pocketbook takes a hit because your husband will be losing a days pay, in addition to the salary for the day laborer, which should be at least minimum wage + tips. You'll also want to have them fill out a W2, and because they probably won't have a clue how to go about completing the form, you'll need to have a Spanish speaking accountant at their disposal. (If you can find an illegal immigrant who is also an accountant, that would be ideal; though they're probably more difficult to come by than a decent human being at the Republic National Convention.)
Then of course there's the cost of the Spanish/English dictionary. But come on, shouldn't you have one of those anyway? After all, if Christian Conservative's would spend less time reading the Bible and more time brushing up on their Espanol, maybe the United States would be more respected internationally.
Am I doing my part, you ask. Of course, who do you think typed this article as I orally dictated the words? Sure, it took me more time to correct the mistakes than it would have taken me to type it up myself, but I don't mind in the least - because progress, my fellow liberals, doesn't come efficiently.
I'm Guilty of a Horrible Hate Crime
My family and I were watching the evening news a few nights back and they showed footage of a man who had been convicted of a heinous hate crime being hauled off to jail. Without thinking, I blurted out in front of God and my entire family; "You sick pig!"
That's assault, plain and simple.
Merriam-Webster defines assault as "a violent or verbal attack." It doesn't say anything about the victim actually hearing the verbal attack. In other words, I committed a hate crime, just like a scum sucking white supremacist murderer! Aw shoot, I just did it again!
My words should be considered a hate crime because I verbally assaulted a man simply because he belongs to a group of people who commit hate crimes. Because not many people in this country actually commit hate crimes, I committed a hate crime against someone belonging to a minority group. Makes a lot of sense when you think about it.
I am of course, a pacifist by nature, so it goes without saying that my family was shocked at my criminal outburst. I looked into the eyes of my children and could see the shame, the anguish and the pain. Even my four-month-old son, who didn't understand what I had said, somehow knew that Mommy had done a horrible thing.
I've always believed in owning up to ones mistakes, so without hesitation I picked up the phone and dialed 9-1-1. I was prepared to turn myself in and face whatever consequences I had coming to me.
The 9-1-1 operator, completely oblivious to the world we live in, didn't realize that committing a hate crime was a legitimate emergency, and hung up on me after about five minutes of going back in forth. All she kept saying was; "Maim, the other phones are ringing, and if I don't answer them soon, people could die!" Could they please find some way to train these people better?
Even my husband didn't want the world to know about my offense. I told him to get dressed and take me to the police station immediately, so I could begin serving my time. He looked up at me with an obvious ache in his heart and said; "You've got to be kidding me!"
No, I was not kidding and still feel a deep sense of shame for what I put my family through. The police officers at the station masked the awkwardness of the situation the only way they could, with hysterical laughter. But I don't think they'll ever forget the way all we all changed that day.
In the end they let me off with a warning. I would like to warn all of you to be careful what you say at all times, because you too could be committing a hate crime and not even know it.
If it Says Diversity; You're Not Welcome
Look Christian Conservatives, I don't want you here. I don't want you around my kids, I don't want you in my supermarket and I don't want you in my Oprah's Book Club.
As a member of society that welcomes diversity I say stay the hell away from me. You people don't welcome diversity; you want to constantly remain in your "white man" club with "whitey" so you can talk about the stock market, fine cigars and Everybody Loves Raymond reruns.
Why can't you get it through your thick skulls that people who embrace diversity don't want you around?
You should also know that it doesn't matter what your ideas are, we're not going to change how we feel one ounce. We want to hear about all ideas (except yours) so we can be reassured that the ideas we had from the beginning are correct.
Look, being a liberal in itself is what makes one virtuous. Once you turn over to liberalism it doesn't matter your background; we will accept you! You were in the Klan but you're a liberal now? Liberalism wins out. You were convicted of a felony but are a liberal now? You guessed it; liberalism trumps the murder and/or hate crime.
But if you don't share our ideas and haven't converted to liberalism yet, then you shouldn't be near anyone from the Democratic Party; the party of ideas.
When Osama Bin Laden and the terrorists say that they want to convert everyone in the world to Islam I understand. You see he thinks that would make the world a better place. However I KNOW that if the entire world were liberal it would be a much better place. Like how Vermont, a liberal state, is much better than North Carolina, a conservative state. North Carolina is so hot and muggy and Vermont has great summer weather and a bevy of Bed & Breakfast's to choose from.
It's just like with my kids. When I want them to stop fighting I keep them apart. They fight a lot so they hardly ever see other anymore. In fact one of my kids can't remember the other ones name. He knows it starts with an M and has four letters, but the rest escapes him.
So please, either embrace our ideology or have the decency to stay far, far away.
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